Bad Joke Challenge! Options

[McGonagall's Cat]

In Chapter 21, The Unknowable Room, Hermione gives Ron a hard time because Madam Rosemerta didn't laugh at his joke about The Hag, The Healer, and the Mimbulus Mimbletonia.


Your challenge:

Please tell us the joke about The Hag, The Healer, and The Mimbulus Mimbletonia.

Make it funny, or clever, or even a "groaner"!

[zymurgy]

A Hag walks into the Healer's office and says, "Healer, I have this problem. My husband keeps thinking he's a Mimblus Mimbeltonia!"

And the Healer says, "Merlin's Beard, that's serious! Why haven't you come to me before?"

"I needed the sap."

[zymurgy]

A Hag goes to the Healer and says, "Healer, I have the terrible cough!"

So the Healer says, "Every time you cough, drink a pint Mimblus Mimbletonia sap!"

"Circe!" says the Hag, "Will that cure my cough?"

"Well, no," says the Healer, "But you'll think twice before you do."

[chad13]

A Healer walks into a very full waiting room and sees a familiar Hag. "What can I help you with today?" he asks.

"I still have a cold," the Hag relpies, reaching into her robes. "And if you don't take care of it this time, I'm going to spray you with this mimblus mimbletonian sap." The Healer leaves, and some time later, brings back an extra strength therapotion.

The Hag drinks the potion, and takes in a long deep cold free breath; then she sprays the Healer with the sap.

"What was that for!" The Healer yells.

"For making me wait so long!" The Hag replies.

[zymurgy]

A Hag goes to a Healer with some very strange and putrid oozing warts. He gives one a poke and says, "I'm sorry, but you seem to have Mimbuls Syndrome. You'll need to go on a diet of pumpkin pasties and bertie bots every flavour beans."

"How long will until they clear up the outbreak?" asked the Hag.

"Oh they won't," says the Healer, "It's just that that's the only food we can fit under the door."

[zymurgy]

A Hag runs into the Healer's office and yells, "Healer! Healer! Help - I've been covered in Mimblus Mimbletonia sap and - and I'm SHRINKIKNG!"

"Calm down," says the Healer. "You'll just have to be a little patient."

[zymurgy]

A Hag goes into St. Mungo's and is let in to see a Healer.
A minute later, she comes out of his office screaming like a banshee. A second Healer asks her what happens and then goes to yell at his colleage.

"What's the matter with you! That Hag is perfectly healthy! How dare you tell her she'd turn into a Mimblus Mimbletonia in an hour!"

The first Healer smiles. "Cured her hiccoughs, didn't it?"

[Amaranth]

A Hag and a Healer are discussing a beautiful young witch who nevertheless believes herself to be ugly. The Healer says he has tried everything - cheering potions, beauty draughts, charms, the lot, and nothing works. The Hag rolls her eyes.

"Clearly the answer is obvious. Whenever she feels ugly, tell her to poke this with her wand. She'll instantly become the most attractive person in the room" she says, handing over a plant. The Healer, hopeful of a new healing discovery, follows her advice and gives the plant to the young witch when he next sees her. At first, she's unsure, but eventually agrees to give it a go. She walks into the crowded waiting room where she starts to feel insecure again.

The healer suddenly hears all these shrieks from the waiting room and rushes out to see what's happened. All his patients, save for the pretty young witch, are covered in Stinksap. The young witch turns to the healer beaming.

"Wow, I may not be any prettier, but I sure feel better!"

[timeturner]

A Hag, a Healer, and a potted Mimbulus Mimbletonia go into the Leaky Cauldron.

The wizened, toothless bartender asks them what they would like to drink.

The Hag orders mulled mead. The Healer orders a butterbeer. And the Mimbulus Mimbletonia orders nothing because it's a potted plant.



^^^
ll ll ll

( That was why Madam Rosmerta didn't laugh.)

[Amaranth]

WARNING: BAD USE OF BRITISH SLANG

A Hag walks into a bar where a talking Mimbulus Mimbletonia and a Healer are having a heated debate.
"Goodness!" says the Hag. " A talking plant!"
"That's nothing," says the plant. "I know everything. Ask me anything, and I'll give you the answer for a drink." The hag turns to the Healer.
"Is this true?" she asks. The Healer rolls his eyes.
"I don't know," he replied irritably. "I refuse to buy him a drink."
"Why not?" asks the Hag.
"Well for a start, he's legless."

[zymurgy]

A Hag goes into the Healer's office.

"Healer," she says, "I haven't always been a Hag. I was once a gorgeous Witch, but one day, in a dream, I heard the words 'mimblus mimbletonia,' so I asked my mother what a mimblus was. She told me that was no question for a lady and cursed me with a harelip.

"When my father got home, he asked me who had cursed me, and I said my mother had, because I'd asked what a mimblus mimbletonia was. He flew into a rage, and cursed me with a bowed back.

"Then, I went to school, trying to hide the curses, but my teachers saw, and they asked me what had happened, and I said that I'd asked what a mimblus mimbletonia was. She cursed me with a hundred extra years of age, and I was expelled.

"And so, Healer, I've wandered the world, and tried to find out the secret of the Mimblus Mimbletonia, but have only been cursed. Tell me, what is the Mimblus Mimbletonia?"

"Curse you for asking such a question!" shouts the Healer, drawing his wand and cursing her warts to grow warts.

Sobbing, she flees the office, her last hope gone.

But then, across the Alley, she sees a little roadside stand, with an enormous sign saying, "Find out what a Mimblus Mimbletonia is, 4 sickles."

Overjoyed, she runs towards it -

- and gets run over by the Knight Bus.

[McGonagall's Cat]

During a visit to Janus Thickey Ward , a Hag asked Miriam Strout what the criterion was that St. Mungo's used to decide whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Healer, "we fill up a bathtub with Mimbulus Mimbletonia sap, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the Hag with a knowing nod. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said Healer Strout. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?"

[McGonagall's Cat]

While sitting in St. Mungo's coffee shop, a noted healer was making notes and organizing his parchments for a symposium on Curse Induced Insanity.

The hag sitting beside him watched with interest for a while then naturally broached the subject, asking, "Would you mind telling me, how exactly you detect such a problem in somebody who appears quite normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person
hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world in search of Mimbulus Mimbletonias and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The hag thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
you? I must confess I don't know much about Wizarding history."


(The Mimbulus Mimbletonia was tossed overboard when he died....)

[cassirin]

A Healer and a Hag fell in love and got married. After a lovely ceremony, they climbed into a boat to set sail on their honeymoon. The Healer took along his prized possession, a rare type of Mimbus Mimbletonia.

It wasn't long before the boat began to take on water. They considered carefully what to do before the Healer spoke up. "It is clear to me, my darlingest dear, that one of us will have to jump out of the boat. Better that one of us survive than neither of us."

She nodded, despite being very hard of hearing as many hags are. The healer continued. "It is also clear to me, my one true love, that we cannot throw the Mimbus Mimbletonia overboard, as it is nearly extinct." He pointed at the small plant.

The hag nodded and smiled. "What?"

"Extinct, my love. Extinct."

She smiled and nodded once again before picking up his precious plant and throwing it into the rising waves. "But... but... my love? Why?"

The hag settled back into her seat as she muttered to herself, seemingly oblivious to her husband's unhappiness. "Didn't smell all that bad to me."

[muggle5]

There was once a hag. This hag happened to have a mysterious disease. No one knew exactly what was wrong, but when she went to see the healer, he diagnosed her with something strange. The hag was very confused at first when the healer took her out back to take some sap from a poor Mimbulus Mimbletonia. But as the days went by she began to feel better and better until she was finally cured.

Soon she returned to the healer and asked, "What exactly was in that sap? I've never heard of anything like it before."

"Neither have I," replied the healer. "I was simply going out on a whim. Personally, I thought the disease was sappy enough as it was."