Catabute and Pezella's Fan Fiction Reviews, from The Two Old Hags Options

[evlpez]

For the past few months, McGonagall's Cat and I have been collaborating on something outside of Project Ferret. We write a monthy fan fiction review column for our affiliate, The Quibbler, on behalf of our alter egos, The Two Old Hags.

We've decided to share our articles with you and invite everyone to share links to other Harry Potter Fan Fiction (not sites, stories) you've come across and enjoyed.

When providing a link, please give us the story's title, author name and a brief review. Let us know a bit about the story why you liked it or disliked it.

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JANUARY, 2005 review of Truth and Consequences by InFabula at The Sugar Quill

Witches' Cauldron Stirring and Writing Review
by Catabute and Pezella (aka The Two Old Hags)

Our liaisons with the muggle world have reported a strange phenomenon occurring amongst their numbers. For some reason they seem fascinated with the everyday goings on in our world and have created vast amounts of fictionalized stories about us. Some of these stories are quite accurate and deserving of your perusal should you have a spare moment between chopping your desiccated dragon livers and de-gnoming your gardens. Some attempts at what they call “Fan Fiction”, however, should be avoided like plague-carrying fleas.

We have taken it upon ourselves to sift through the morass of stories out there, and discuss the various merits of certain ones in each issue of the Quibbler until someone overcomes the Entrancing Enchantment spell we've cast upon them, kicks us out and removes our brilliant literary discourse.

We proudly present The Quibbler's January Witches' Cauldron Stirring and Writing Review by Catabute and Pezella:

There are a few muggle fan fiction writers who appear to know some of the people from our world. One who seems to be on very good terms with the young James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin is InFabula. She has two stories posted at www.SugarQuill.net. Her story, Truth and Consequences is well worth putting your Lacewing Flies back into their jar and reading.

Truth and Consequences is a fictional account of that unfortunate night Severus Snape was told by Sirius Black how to get past the Whomping Willow on Hogwarts' grounds. InFabula has taken what we know about that full moon night and told the full story with clarity and detail, continuing the tale a little.

Excerpt, with permission:

(Snape) gave James a look of pure loathing. “I understand you came in to rescue me. Did you get cold feet, Potter? Decide somewhat reluctantly that my death wouldn’t be worth getting expelled?”
He turned to Remus, his lip curled in a sneer of triumph. “The one, tiny gratification I have is that you will be out of this school faster than Potter can fly.”

Like a fine wand, the plot is well crafted, with plausible story lines to support various as yet unexplained canon details. Twists and turns will have the astute witch or wizard enthralled, while keeping with the story as we already know it.

James and Remus come alive through her deft story-telling. Rather than writing Peter as the traitor of his later years, he is portrayed as the fourth Marauder in a quite acceptable way. Sirius seems true to character for most of the three chapters posted, though at the very end he is slightly out of character. Her intuitive portraits of the characters are so plausible that it may be said she knows these men better than she lets on. She may not even be the muggle fan fiction writer she claims to be, but a witch adept at scrying and possibly a seer of great talent.

There are a few punctuation errors (someone obliviated many of her commas), but on the whole, this is a very satisfying read with a great feel for the characters. We give this story four out of five doxies and encourage fans of Sirius and of Remus to apparate over to www.SugarQuill.net to have a peek.

[evlpez]

FEBRUARY, 2005 review of Byron by Ciircee at The Sugar Quill

Witches' Cauldron Stirring and Writing Review
by Catabute and Pezella (aka The Two Old Hags)

Words to Brew Love Potions By

As old hags don’t have a lot of experience in matters of the heart, writing a Valentine’s review is a little like cooking a major meal with a defective wand.  Still, we have endeavored to provide a sumptuous piece for you to feast your mind upon. This month's pick made even our hearts flutter a wee bit, so some of you younger witches may want to have a tissue handy. (Aside from Pezella - I swear I heard Catabute giggle at more than one point, if you can imagine!)

Byron by Ciircee is the repast we set before you this fine February.

It is a fun romantic romp.  Though it’s been quite some time since either of us have been invited to a proper wizard’s home for a dinner, thank Merlin, Ciircee’s depiction of the warm exciting atmosphere at the crowded Burrow is spot on.  You will almost be able to smell Molly’s cooking, which we'll admit is a bit different from our tastes but likely to please many.

Set in their seventh year, this story is about Hermione Granger and a cauldron-full of love letters from a mysterious admirer. The sensible Hermione shrugs them off, knowing she has no time to worry about boys. Her heart makes her keep them, because each one she receives reminds her of the kindness and support of her friend. 

Ron Weasley is portrayed out of character, but this is so touching and sweet that it's easily overlooked. Even Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley's performance as a couple is a bit out of character, but the writer makes up for it by being more accurate with the sensible and dedicated Hermione.

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Excerpt, with permission:

Ron stood abruptly and slung both his and Hermione's bag over his shoulder.  "Look, I sent the letter and the flowers. I spent all night in the library looking at poems and I snuck down to Greenhouse One this morning before heading to the Owlery just so that Hermione could have a love letter over breakfast on the day she has the most classes.  All right?"  He strode off without another word and Hermione could only shrug before following him and reclaiming her bag in the entrance hall.

"I don't think they believed you, Ron," she told him as they headed for Hagrid's hut and their Care of Magical Creatures class.

Ron shook his head and muttered, "I don't know why not."

"Possibly because it's you and it's me," she said by way of answer.

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Ciircee is obviously familiar with Muggle literature and has chosen to quote several excellent passages from the writings of Lord Byron, amongst others. It almost makes a Hag want to read Muggle poetry.  (Note to Pezella - Perhaps we should “Accio” a few good volumes from one of their libraries when they aren’t paying attention.) (Note to Catabute - They're never paying attention, dear.)

This author is quite prolific and is either an excellent writer or very adept at cheering and memory charms.  The descriptions, fullness, and attention to detail in her stories are so good that you can almost hear the owls wings as they deliver their messages.  In other works she shares tales of Hagrid, Neville, and many other people and places from our world, all of which come highly recommended.

This story rated a three out of four doxies, which might be more if her characterization were closer to the actual witches and wizards. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. May all your love potions work swiftly and to your liking.                 

[evlpez]

MARCH, 2005 review of A Troll, a Hag and a Leprechaun Enter a Bar by oOWTH
and Seamus Finnagin IRA Operative by Rea at FanFiction.net

Witches' Cauldron Stirring and Writing Review
by Catabute and Pezella (aka The Two Old Hags)

Set Down for a Pint!

Now that St. Patrick's Day is almost upon us, we'd like to give a 'shout out' to our wee friends in the Emerald Isles. Leprechauns and Hags, like ourselves, don't often get the limelight in the Magical World. In literature, we're both often depicted as beastly creatures, or at best devious nuisances to be avoided. It's just not fair.

Most folks don't realize that hags and leprechauns have changed over the years just as muggles and wizards have. It's a modern world out there, and we sentient magical beings are just as capable of growth and evolution as humans are. Look at us; Catabute and Pezella, once thought to be the scourge of Southern England. (Catabute: And Northumberland, thank you very much.) That was over a century ago, and now we use muggle computers and the Internet to connect with magical folk of all manner around the world. The old hag image is gone. In fact, we don't personally know of any real hags left who live in the woods and eat human children on a regular basis. (Catabute: Well, there is that one friend of Hesperia that lives in the Hebrides…) Not only are human children unhealthy eating these days, but they're very difficult to prepare properly. They're really only for very special occasions, nowadays. (Catabute: Did I forget to give you that recipe from Circle of Hags? Last month's issue had a wonderful...) Since this is one of our favorite times of year as Spring is nearly upon us, we've chosed two short fan ficlets to share with you in this issue of The Quibbler.

The first is a little romp that shows how Hags, Trolls and Leprechauns are treated in the local pub. We like pubs, despite the clientelle, and would frequent them more if we weren't so apt to be thrown out or hunted down for no good reason. A Troll, a Hag and a Leprechaun Enter a Bar by oOWTH over at FanFiction.net gave us a good chuckle. The leprechaun in this story reminded me of old Sean down in Dingle; very indignant and partial to martinis. (Catabute: I didn't know you knew Sean! He's a cagey one, all right. Were you at the festival the night he fell into the cauldron of bat spleen and toad spawn potion? Funniest thing I ever saw!) We give this ficlet four out of five doxies, only because every hag knows that a goat's milk and firewhiskey cocktail is the easiest way to battle indigestion; not abstinence. The troll in this is a bit out of character, as even the most educated and fluent troll wouldn't order a pint, he'd order a whole barrel, that is, if he could fit through the pub door.



Excerpt, A Troll, a Hag and a Leprechaun Enter a Bar:

"Anything for you three?" she asked, uncertainly. The leprechaun looked at her with his beady eyes.

"What? Think we're going to drink your blood?" said the Leprechaun, indignant at her fear. She squeaked, but stood there.

"I'd like a pint," the Troll said. The waitress wrote it down, and looked at the Hag. The Hag kept her mouth closed, and shook her head. She didn't want anything.

"I'd like a martini," the leprechaun told her.

"I don't think we..." the waitress started to protest.

"WHAT? You don't think you served leprechauns martinis? Are leprechauns not good enough for martinis?" he yelled, floating up out of his chair a few inches.


Our next gem is worth a crock of shamrock essence. Seamus Finnagin IRA Operative by Rea over at FanFiction.net  is a trip to the Raging Bull Pub, presumed to be located in Seamus Finnigan's home town in Northern Ireland. This look at small town gossip and secrets has the patrons at the Pub telling a wayfaring stranger of the questionable goings on at the Finnigan's. In the Local's train of thought, Seamus's long absences and his mother's background can only mean one thing! (Pezella: *snort* Muggles don't notice anything, do they?) We give this ficlet four out of five doxies; we'd like to have seen the stranger hex someone for slagging our darling Seamus and his mum! (Pezella: A good dose of slug-spitting would have been quite statisfying!)



Excerpt, Seamus Finnagin IRA Operative

"Ach, Aidan, don't you start up on one of your threads again," Jephro said irritably.

"One o' my threads? My thread?" Aidan laughed hoarsely. "If 'twere only mine, the whole town woulda plumb forgotten about it by now."

Ernie picked up his violin and began to play a slow tune on it.

"I'm sorry," the woman broke in, "What thread?"

"Oh, it's just a few things a few people say."

"About a family here in town?" She pressed.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to you all. May your pint be green and never empty!

[evlpez]

APRIL, 2005 review of Forge and Gred, by ESP
and The Marauders Map by Kayhera at FanFiction.net

Witches' Cauldron Stirring and Writing Review
By Catabute & Pezella (aka The Two Old Hags)

Homage to the April Fools

Happy Spring, nearly! April Fools Day is the one day a year where muggles and wizarding folk alike enjoy playing pranks on friends and family. It's not only expected, it's appreciated.

What better day for our favorite prankster pair to celebrate their Birthday? Fred and George Weasley are a smart boys; creative and fun loving. They spent much of their school years being the class clowns and their careers have blossomed from it.  Their shop, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes has become the most popular purveyor of magical joke and trick items in our world. Rumour has it that Zonko's will be completely out of business in the next year, unless the Twins buy it up. We found a couple of treats honoring our favorite redheads and want to share them with you. (Pezella: Especially after they sent us that lovely box of candy!  Catabute:  Easy for you to say.  I'm still picking feathers out of... erm...  Warning to you dear readers, never eat anything you don't have first-hand knowledge of how it was made.)


Forge and Gred, by ESP is an endearing little fic about telling the twins apart. We love funny stories about Fred and George. This isn't one of them, though. This is about the other side of Fred and George; the serious side we rarely see. It is quite nice, and worth the few minutes you'll spend reading it. We give this fic four out of five doxies.



Excerpt; Forge and Gred, by ESP

"I just…" She deflated. "I don't know what to do with you anymore. I don't know." She looked lost, looking back and forth between her sons. "Should I send you away? Do I have to split you up?" They didn't answer, glaring fiercely, as if to say 'just try it'.

She turned to the son on her right, reaching out tentatively. "George, honey-"

"Yeah?" The other twin snarled. She recoiled her hand, and sobbed. No one moved for a shocked instant, like a train was bearing down on them.


Another piece we found brought together ALL of our favorite pranksters. In The Marauders Map by  Kayhera  , the boys have found the Marauders' Map and manage to figure out how it works, with a little help. This piece has many of the makings for a great Twins fic; Filch, Peeves, dungbombs and items marked "Confiscated and Highly Dangerous". (Pezella: I nearly squealed, which says something.) We'd have liked to see more of the Marauders words in this story (Catabute:  I do so miss those boys! *sigh*), but we'll take what we got and bless them for helping out our dear Fred and George. We give this story four out of five doxies.



Excerpt; The Marauders' Map by Kayhera

“It doesn’t look very dangerous to me,” said George.

“Let me try. I, Fred Weasley, King of the World, command you to show whatever you conceal!” his brother said sarcastically, thinking that it wouldn’t work.

Apparently it did something though, since words at the top of the page began to appear.

Mr. Moony would have to ask if Fred Weasley really is the King of the World, if there is such a thing.

“What did you do?” cried George.

“Nothing! I was just kidding…” But more started to materialize…

Mr. Prongs has to ask, if that’s the case, what he’s doing with a bit of old parchment.

Happy Birthday Fred! Happy Birthday, George! We've owl'd you our latest order and payment. Keep the change and get yourselves new hats to go with those stunning Dragonskin sport jackets.

Everyone else, Happy April Fools Day and welcome to Spring!