Round Three - The Magic Box, Collaborative Fan Fiction Options

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A Potions Master, a Box, and an Enigmatic Old Codger

StarWalker commented:
Starting with the title, and continuing until the end, the pace never slows in this one. One little characterization problem was all that was wrong - how did he know of the others who repeated on the box?

cherabela commented:
Characterization is a bit off here.

timeturner commented:
This is the perfect ending to our collaborative funfest!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
The title says it all! Good job.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A Doxy Venom Reunion

zymurgy commented:
Dozy venom and attractive red-heads.Interesting.

StarWalker commented:
I think he'd be in more trouble if Snape found him talking to himself! He tried Alohomora the first time he found it.

cherabela commented:
You didn't mention what Ron wished was inside the box. I really liked the idea of the Doxy Venom. Quite original.

timeturner commented:
Good. Doxy Venom was a nice touch. Some canon problems.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
The use of Doxie Venom was really creative! I loved this line about Snape: "...or had a sudden urge to take points away from Gryffindor."

[agrippa]

Comments on the story DUNG DUNG…DUNG

zymurgy commented:
A bit shaky on continuity; otherwise fair.

StarWalker commented:
Snape, as the alien fence in "Men In Black" - what a picture! The long setup to the mission was worth every word - Neville the thinker!

cherabela commented:
Characterization was rather off - Hermione would never throw dung at Snape, no matter what he did. I liked the idea at the end, of putting the box in the fire.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
A little long, but in character and on Mission. Good way of connecting to prior post.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story An Elf In The Night

zymurgy commented:
Very nice elements, like Dobby and his master key, though there were somet tense mixups, it was otherwise quite charming.

StarWalker commented:
Between Snape and Draco! Dobby was an inspired choice; minor technical errors.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Good characterizations from Snape's POV! A few minor technical errors.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Seamus the Hero

zymurgy commented:
Hurray for Seamus! (and three cheers for Gwen)

StarWalker commented:
Another fabulaous Gilderoy submission. Brilliant and beautiful as always. However, how does Gilderoy know of the Room of Requirement?

cherabela commented:
Hilarious as ever! Some minor technical errors, but ingenious overall!

timeturner commented:
Followed the mission well. Still love the lavender posts! Seamus was a nice change. Clever interjection of "Magical Me"

[agrippa]

Comments on the story RON, HERO AT HOGWARTS

zymurgy commented:
All right as far as it goes, but the box was not left in a specific place, nor given to anybody.

StarWalker commented:
Interesting, since Neville spent most of the previous night trying to open the box! Technical, character and canonical errors.

cherabela commented:
Whatever happened to Mrs. Norris? Would Ron be so hard on Neville though?

timeturner commented:
Ron sounded awful mean.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
I had to take off points because the Mission statement called for leaving the Box somewhere for someone else to find and was really specific to not end the story. Luckily for you the next person posted before this story was disqualified, as it should have been.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Box of the All Gifted

zymurgy commented:
Enigmatic little thing, that Centaur, isn't he? <br />

cherabela commented:
How did the box end up near the lake again? It doesn't quite follow the mission.

timeturner commented:
Well written.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Quite in character!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Gogafranchian Smurglefraz

StarWalker commented:
Shades of Star Wars! Dark vs Light! :o) Minor technical and characterization errors.

cherabela commented:
Lacks part of the mission. Very original idea that of using a Merman.

timeturner commented:
Golgafranchian Smurglefraz. Indeed.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Cleverest Witch of Her Age

StarWalker commented:
Why is it that no one will let Hermione try and open the box?!?!?!? Minor technical and characterization errors.

cherabela commented:
If Harry wasn't able to cast any spells underwater, how could Hermione? Rather rushed.

timeturner commented:
Hermione the heroine, great job. Although, I'm not sure the ending properly describes how Hermione would have handled it.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A Librarian's Meager Attempt

StarWalker commented:
Voldemort's dismissal of everyone not associated with him really comes through here! Well done!

cherabela commented:
I couldn't quite picture Voldemort's character in writing this. Sounds a bit rushed.

timeturner commented:
You did fantastic with the Dark Lord!