Round Two ~ Future Ferret Challenges Options

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Mum Knows Best

cherabela commented:
Great characterization! Very descriptive!!

StarWalker commented:
I love Mrs. Weasley, always have. She certainly has a blind spot with respect to Ginny, though. Beautifully written, and no spells! However, I don't think her escapade was a secret!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
First-person was a nice change, though there wasn't enough of Molly's "editorial" comments to feel as Molly-ish as I'd have liked to have seen. How'd Ginny not get caught?

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Anticipation

cherabela commented:
This is amazingly describtive, though I'm still a bit confused on the "Two more days" part.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
It took me a really really really long time to figure out who you were writing as (I finally had to PM others on it until someone came up with who it was supposed to be. Too subtle, detracts from the mission). <br /> <br />That said, I'd think Remus would still be torn up at the loss and have a tough time writing about his buddy...I guess I'd expect that emotional loss in there at least a bit. Though he'd certainly understand the exhillaration of running and animalism.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Beyond Expectations

timeturner commented:
You captured Snape's bitterness well. There were some great lines, my favorite- ...excited for no reason at all. The Quibbler article was good. Very Quibbler like. I liked your troll idea too. The story seemed to go in a different direction in the end. Didn't see it coming.

StarWalker commented:
A great trek through Snape's mind! It's no wonder Harry didn't learn Occlumency, and, as Snape's mind is described here, it's a wonder he's such a superb legilmens. Very minor dings in characterization and canon; technical was also off.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
There a couple probs with technical/grammar things... but this is SO in character! Nice job!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Success

timeturner commented:
I really liked this one!! Fantastic description! I so wanted to know what he was thinking of Peter though! But alas, no special emotion. But I could see how that fits. Well Done!!

cherabela commented:
I loved the cocking the head thing; I can imagine Snuffles looking sideways to see clearly!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
There are a couple typos. I still don't feel/get the message of Lupin writing as. It's a fine story though! The Sirius depiction was done well.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A Crate of Christmas Cheer

pinkpanther commented:
It took me a bit to figure out who was writing the story, but once I did it made it all the better. Good job.

StarWalker commented:
While the title had me thinking of one thing, (my age shows, I fear!), the actual reference was beautiful; a fitting title for a well told tale. There were many canon problems, and minor technical and charcaterization ones, but overall, this was well done.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Bill writing as Ginny. It's nice to know he thinks so highly of his baby sister, her talents appear to rival Fred's.

cherabela commented:
You had some spelling errors but it was very creative. Loved the bit with the snitch and glasses and lightning bolt! Bet the twins made the quaffle maroon to spite Ron.

timeturner commented:
Very creative! Great details (maroon quaffle!)

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Disallusioned

cherabela commented:
I liked how it turned out in the end; that Peter was still inferior to his friends.

timeturner commented:
You did an amazing job on this challenge. Three stories- all original. I really liked the portrayal of Peter's emotions.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Poor Peter! (Why does that feel like saying 'Poor Ted Bundy'?) Excellent story. And as always, I don't get a good solid feel for who is writing the story, just too subtle.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Mistletoe Discovery

StarWalker commented:
A nice Luna-Colin interaction piece. I particularly liked "...and more importantly, one that doesn't include me..." Some technical and canonical errors, however.

cherabela commented:
Personally, I don't really think every student at Hogwarts would be avidly reading an article about Nargles. Characterization is rather off.

timeturner commented:
Well written. I would have rather seen someone besides Luna as the main character, only because it was written by Luna.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Ends a bit abruptly. Poor Colin, coming in second to Blibbering Humdingers.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Salvation

cherabela commented:
Amazingly describtive as it is, you failed to note one particular part of the mission. You aren't allowed to write as your character in the first person - only in the third person!

timeturner commented:
You did write Remus too! There was a rough patch in the begining. The sentences seemed a bit too long. The end was very touching, perfect. Great job!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Nice to have the full circle, all four stories connected. You must explain why you chose to say: "have stood by me these last thirteen school terms." Thirteen? I thought they accomplished it in their 5th year...

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Naughty, Naughty

StarWalker commented:
I fear poor ekeltricity turned this more into a story about the father (ahem-hem) than about Ginny. Relatively severe technical troubles, and minor canonical problems, but I found the story engaging

cherabela commented:
I liked the shampoo excuse to comfort Ginny. Some technical errors though. And "knowing that <br />each would blame the other for not mentioning the new addition." sounds rather familiar from another submission.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Problems with homophones and incorrectly placed or tensed wording. Fun story! Very good plotline.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Weird or Feared?

StarWalker commented:
Quite humorous, although a touch forced in places. Certain technical and canonical problems.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
So VERY in charater! Well done.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A Snake in the Heart of Gryffindor

StarWalker commented:
Absolutely wonderful! I can't see Harry working on this without Ron and Hermione, though.

cherabela commented:
Why would Harry choose a snake as his animagus form in the first place? Although it did add a really good twist as the end, I think Snape really is to be trusted.

timeturner commented:
Fan fiction by Voldemort. I wondered what it would be like. Well done! You didn't necessarily follow the mission in a direct way, but..very good.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Hogwart's Greatest, a Still Life in Sepia

StarWalker commented:
Great title, complete with subtitle! So Snape! So Colin! So - minor technical and canonical errors.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Professor Snape being subtle here. Some real gems in the piece..."and any gibbon could teach it. Ended abruptly, though.... <br />

cherabela commented:
Lavender the editor of the Hogwarts newspaper? That sounds a bit unlikely.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Breakfast Interrupted

StarWalker commented:
The Snape/Dumbledore interaction, particularly at the end, was priceless. Technical errors clustered around spelling problems and using the wrong word; there were also character and canonical errors.

cherabela commented:
Characterization was rather off; I don't think McGonagall would read the Quibbler to begin with.

timeturner commented:
The Quibbler story was excellent. Interesting and creative ideas. McGonagall's character seemed a little off though.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A DAY IN THE LIFE OF HARRY POTTER

StarWalker commented:
While certainly a typical Rita Skinner article, the mission calls for discussion by, and its effect on, students. There were also technical errors not associated with Rita's Quick Quotes Quill, along with canonical and characteristic discrepancies.

cherabela commented:
Loved "McMonnamonnagallga"!! I had a bit of trouble trying to figure out with form of submission your used though. <br />

pinkpanther commented:
This was a fun story, you captured the voice of Rita very well.

timeturner commented:
Interesting way to approach the mission! The bit about the glowering award was fantastic. Good job.