Round Two ~ Future Ferret Challenges Options

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Clabbert Saves Village From Dementor Attack

ronsmyman commented:
You captured Hermione's voice very well, but there were some points where I was completely lost stylistically.

evlpez commented:
Really good, though a little too good for Ron, I think.

cherabela commented:
Good characterization though, personally I don't think Harry would be so keen on reading the article. I think the only reading thing he really finds interesting is his book on Quidditch.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
I liked this, a fun read, nice original idea.

agrippa commented:
Good job... sounds a lot like Ron!

StarWalker commented:
This is a nice piece. Punctuation was off,and grammar was a problem at times, even for a certain 16 year old wizard!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story A mission of mercy

ronsmyman commented:
I liked the screaming box, that was a nice touch

evlpez commented:
Yay, Neville! I'm not sure his spelling would be this good, but I like how he wrote that Ginny would cherish a picture of them together.

cherabela commented:
Very good characterization, and the fact that the twins had taken that photo really makes a nice turn in the end.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Very in character the whole way through. Fun details and insights.

timeturner commented:
That was so sweet! I just love Neville. Extra creativity point just for: <br />pools of chocolate lusciousness- good one!!

StarWalker commented:
Wonderful story! Minor tech errors; minor canon problem

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Creevey's Chase

ronsmyman commented:
Great job as writing as the character, you made Creevey just as annoying as Harry would have found him.

evlpez commented:
Great story, though I'm a little surprised Harry would make himself a hero in a story, even if it is Harry Potter fan fiction.

cherabela commented:
There were some points where the characterization didn't sound quite right.

timeturner commented:
I liked the confrontation between the trio and Slytherin. Good job with Ron.

agrippa commented:
Well done!

StarWalker commented:
Nice job! Minor technical errors and canon problems. A certain amount of character deviation.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Fun storyline. Some minor grammatical/typo probs. The voice was off early-on. Still, good job!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story FACT OR FICTION

ronsmyman commented:
Good in every way. I enjoyed the twist of it being a confidence booster. It also showed a bumbling Neville without making him seem stupid, which is what Hermione would do.

evlpez commented:
Very appropriate for Hermione! Well done!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Quite well done! In character, nice details (loved the "Story continued on page 2..."

agrippa commented:
Very Hermione!

StarWalker commented:
Superb! Verb tenses caught you early on, but well done!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Hogwarts Heartens!

ronsmyman commented:
Great characterization. I liked the Gloria/Gertrude bit.

cherabela commented:
Watch out Hogwarts, here he comes! It's really funny and well written! And one can of course understand right away who the character who wrote it is.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
You're the actual, genuine, real Lockhart, right? <br /> <br />This is funny and clever and just perfect! Love the footnote.

timeturner commented:
Nice touches in here. Very funny. McGonagall's last line and the author's note were great!

agrippa commented:
Cute!

StarWalker commented:
Bravo! What can I say except: ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT WORK!!. Now we know why Gilderoy is back on staff in J2H, it merely took 21 years for his 'cure' to settle in.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story The Unexpected Photo

ronsmyman commented:
I loved the student portrayal of Snape, good job WestHamFan

evlpez commented:
This is really good! I can almost see the cartoon Dean might draw of this story.

cherabela commented:
It was very creative, but it lacked most of the thins the mission stated; it focused more on Snape than Colin. Snape's character sounds rather odd.

StarWalker commented:
"Gonna wash..." So very, very wonderful! But why did he get a chocolate frog card? And what was the serious discussion about? Hmmm. Great job!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
I loved the creativity and twist of the storyline, though I think Prof. Snape rather enjoys his greasy-ness... Nice and concise!

agrippa commented:
Cute story. It's hard to write as Dean, I would think.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Harry Potter Blows his Nose

ronsmyman commented:
Great characterization, I could feel Malfoy's bitterness.

agrippa commented:
Hee hee! This is very well done. Isn't it fun to write the baddies?

cherabela commented:
Very true to character; just like Malfoy would react.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
This is wonderful! I sit here in "open-mouthed in mindless adoration"! This is funny, interesting, in character.... Love it!

pinkpanther commented:
Great characterization of Draco. I especially liked your title.

timeturner commented:
That was the perfect story for Draco. Absolutely hilarious. I loved the take on the entire trio. I can't wait to find out who wrote this. GREAT JOB!

StarWalker commented:
Minor deviations from canon and characterization, and very slight technical errors. Otherwise an excellent Draco Malfoy entry. Well done.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Feline Frenzy

ronsmyman commented:
Very Creative, though not quite true to McGonagal, I'm not sure she would be that trivial, though it was funny to imagine McGonagal and Norris swatting each other in the corridors.

evlpez commented:
This is a bit shorter than the mission asks for, but I love watching McGonagall in action! "Her hair was a mess and a her glasses askew, but victory was still hers. That cat would limp for a week."

cherabela commented:
Although it is very original, I don't think Mrs. Norris who is always so careful when someone does something bad, would do anything of the kind herself.

StarWalker commented:
Nice cat fight, though light on mission requirements, with minor canon and tech errors.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
It is nearly impossible to decide between all the subs in this contest! This is a fun idea and well done. I loved: "...a pitch only Madam Pince had been known to reach." clever and original.

agrippa commented:
I like the writing, but I just can't see McGonagall doing that.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story The Only Wise Weasley

evlpez commented:
Daddy Malfoy is so bad! This is a great story, complete with rich-pure-blood superiority and a bit of the philanthropic-Lucius at the end. What a kind man to help tutor Ginny in Azkaban. LOL

pinkpanther commented:
I enjoyed how you put all of Lucius's hatred towards the Weasley's and all of their mean comments about them in your piece, especially the bit about all living in one room.

StarWalker commented:
I think Lucius has a few more screws loose than I thought! Problems in three areas: technical, characterization, and canon, but a big BZ in creativity.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
This is wonderful! So snarky and in character.

cherabela commented:
That is some twist at the end! Highly unlikely, but very creative nevertheless!

agrippa commented:
Nicely done. The end is a little over-dramatic, though, don't you think? (Please don't curse me!)

[agrippa]

Comments on the story BIG NOT MEEN GIANT

evlpez commented:
This is so great on a few levels. Though we know Grawp couldn't read or write at the end of OotP, he certainly might learn, with enough attention from Hagrid and the kids. He's really such a big kid and this is such a sweet attempt that I can forgive him for not having Ron and Harry beat Malfoy to a pulp, as I'd have expected from Grawp.

agrippa commented:
This one had me laughing my head off. I had to read it out loud to figure some of it out.

cherabela commented:
It was great! I really loved it! Your characterization of Grawp was amazing!

McGonagall's Cat commented:
I loved this one!!! Totally in character, wonderful, creative... funny!

timeturner commented:
Very cute and creative. Loved the note from Hagrid at the end

StarWalker commented:
Rok rules! What a gas! That said, accents don't appear in written work, unless in quotes, and I believe I detected a slight deviation from canon.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Scar-Head 0, Crabbe 1000000000

Azkabella commented:
LOL, "Oh you're so strong". Great!

evlpez commented:
This is really funny! I'd expect more errors, but considering SlytherinRulz's comment in chat about having stolen a charmed quill from one of his victims, I can forgive him for better writing. Great job!

cherabela commented:
Loved how you portrayed Draco. But didn't the mission state one had to write two paragraphs of the article?

timeturner commented:
"Isn’t Dumbledore super-duper?" -That was a great line! <br />I liked everything overall, but I think poor Crabbe is too thick to spell and write that well. Also liked the whole "Scar-head" idea. <br />

StarWalker commented:
I didn't know Crabbe could write this well! Well done. Light on mission nd characterization.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Poor Crabbe. I want to reward him for writing at all, but am concerned that someone helped him because the spelling and grammar was better than I expect of him. And I'm a little concerned as to his motivation for hanging around with Draco if he thinks "the handsome Draco Malfoy, splendidly dressed"... eeep! What really goes on in those Slytherin rooms?

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!

evlpez commented:
Great writing; I'd expect no less from Cho, though I'd like to have seen more reference to Ravenclaws, boys or Quidditch.

Azkabella commented:
Great! Love the last lines.

cherabela commented:
lol, I loved the outcome of the photograph! Good characterization throughout! Ah! I still can't get over the rubber duck!

StarWalker commented:
Dear me! Snape with a rubber duck! How perfectly droll. Colin seemed very quiet, and I'm very certain Snape would know who, at Hogwarts, would flash a bulb in his face.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Creative, fun. A few small technical errors. Loved: "“This reminds me of the first year trip,”"... though my eyes hurt at the thought of Snape in polka dot trunks with a ducky...eeep!!!! That could kill the squid!

[agrippa]

Comments on the story The Daughter I Never Had

evlpez commented:
Awesome, Mrs. Figg! I loved Ginny's note and the way she described the nosy little Ginny as "darling girl", and "beautiful child". Priceless! Extra creative point from me for making the event take place when Ginny was just a wee "sweet girl" with a toy wand, as opposed to "now".

cherabela commented:
Like how you represented Mrs. Figg. It was very true to character.

StarWalker commented:
An absolutely delightful foray into Ginny's earlier years! But what <I>were</I> those two items she took? Please - I want to know! Very, very well done.

[agrippa]

Comments on the story THE HAPPIEST DAY OF EVERYONE'S LIVES

evlpez commented:
This is really funny and well done! I'm not sure Myrtle would allow herself to be so optimistic, though.

cherabela commented:
I love this one! It's full of humour and Myrtle coming back from the dead. I wouldn't want to imagine that, as funny as it seems in this story. Great job!

timeturner commented:
Manly Hands! LOL <br />So Myrtle. Just a bit off mission, but not too much. Few spelling errors but they may have been intentional. Nice job!

StarWalker commented:
So, Myrtle does have an agenda! Wonderful story, but light on mission.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
This is GREAT! Poor Myrtle with such grandiose dreams. Loved it! "You’re being dead and see-through was the only thing that kept me from asking you to the Yule Ball two years ago. You’re the only girl for me." <br /> "Life after the afterlife was going to be grand." <br />

[agrippa]

Comments on the story Watch out for that beetle!

timeturner commented:
Great choice, writing about Rita the beetle. Creative episode in Fudge's office and I loved the bit with Arthur. There did seem to be some misplaced punctuation which stopped the sentences from flowing as nicely as they could have though. But overall, it was an original and enjoyable read.

StarWalker commented:
While a wonderful beetles eye view of the ministry, there were some real technical problems here, as well as minor canonical and characterization flaws.

McGonagall's Cat commented:
Hmmm.... I missed Dumbledore's wit and whacky weirdness... and there were some technical errors. Rita certainly went many places in the story though.