Fair Snape Fell, Release Your Inner Chaucer Options

[zymurgy]

Because Zymurgy found out there's a place called Fair Snape Fell, and because Cat pointed out that that sounded like the title of a ballad, it is now YOUR job to write it!

You have until May 31st at midnight to create a poem about Fair Snape and how he fell. It can be in any style as long as it tells a story.

For inspiration, I offer:

Fair Snape fell upon the hill,
And broke his handsome nose,
And now fair Snape's no longer fair,
As its crooked towards his toes.

I'm sure you can all do MUCH better than that, so consider yourselves challenged!

The Winner receives accolades and laurels and a special spiffy graphic for siggy purposes.

[zymurgy]

The Ballad of Fair Snape and how he Fell

Master Snape was never fond,
And none were fond of him,
His tongue was sharp as aconite,
His manner dour and grim,

The potion test,
Left students stressed,

The lazy ones hadn’t studied,
The diligent ones were unliked,
So they plotted a prank so malicious,
Twas worse than the punch that was spiked,

The spell cast,
Left all aghast,

As into the Potions room he strode,
His robes abillow, his eyes ablaze,
His shadow loomed high on the wall,
Cast by the fading sun’s rays.

The potion assigned,
Boggled the mind,

The students frantic stirred and diced,
The potions burbled and steamed,
The fumes soon prevented everysight,
Except for Snape’s eyes – which gleamed.

The students coughed,
The Master scoffed,

Amid the fumes of burning flame,
Of horn, of scale and chawdron,
None saw the student who did not,
Attend his steaming cauldron,

He used his wand,
Then did abscond,

The master strode between the rows,
Of boiling burbling brews,
When all of a sudden because of the spell,
His feet had two left shoes,

The master tripped,
A cauldron tipped,

Tumbled to the ground in a tangle of robes,
He struggled to rise from the floor,
Covered in steaming malodorous brew,
That had never been brewed before,

The master glowered,
The students cowered,

A muttered spell removed the sludge,
Cleaned his robes and pressed them,
And judging by the students’ eyes,
He’d finally impressed them,

The master glared,
The students stared,

The master scanned the now clear room,
In search for guilty attitude,
Instead he found the stares had turned,
From horrified to lude!

His eyebrow raised,
His students gazed,

He took points from every house,
Even those that weren’t in class,
His students’ gaze remained unfazed,
He caught sight of polished brass,

The reflection gleamed,
The master screamed,

Snape fled from the room in a flurry of robes,
Up the stairs to the Headmasters rooms,
The Headmaster choked on a lemon drop,
Fawkes squawked and lost a few plumes,

The headmaster blinked,
Fawkes trilled and winked,

“What caused this accident,” Albus asked,
“This quite unexpected pulchritude?”
“The students did it!” Severus wailed,
“A result of their rampant crassitude!”

Snape quivered with rage,
Albus merely looked sage,

“I’m afraid it isn’t against the rules,
“To make your professor attractive,
“I’m sure that now you’re amazingly fair,
“They’ll be just as amazingly active.”

Albus offered cake,
Snape started to shake

“It just isn’t fair!” yowled Snape,
“They should all be expelled for a start,
“They tripped me and doused me, so now,
“I look like Gilderoy Lockhart!”

He stood it a day,
Then ran far away,

Snape sent in his resignation,
Up to the Headmaster, Albus,
Indicating that he now eschewed,
Honorificabilitudinitatibus,

Snape disappeared,
The students cheared.