Twisted Tuesdays, The Weekly Zym Options

[zymurgy]

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

The Importance of Being G.

J.K Rowling has long since abandoned the idea that her books are for kids. Ron Weasley has ceased merely saying things “he wouldn’t if his mother were there,” and gets his French into solid print. Draco is no longer content with a mere sneer, but gets some rather brutish action in this last book. And of course, Voldemort is no longer a vague and shadowy presence.

However, Project Ferret retains its policy of child-friendly stories and posts. We may not be by kids, but we are definitely proud of being for kids. Kids with a capital K.

Now, you might ask why this is so. “JK said that in her story! Why can’t I say it?”

Because, as much as Harry Potter may have spiraled into dark times and despair, we should hope that the kids who read it have not. The point of FanFiction, as I see it, is to expand, elaborate, and sometimes straight out change what was given to us by the author.

Canon, in other words, is seen as “raw material.” Even as it is worshiped, like a lump of gold, it simply isn’t pretty enough for a smith. We’ve got to play with it, twist it around, and make something new.

And boy does JK give us a wealth to work with! We have characters, a setting, a premise, and even a time period worked out for us in advance. Simply put, the only thing a Fanfic author has to do is mix and match, adding originals as he sees fit.

That being so, why choose to use what we have, which can be put to a million uses, to write a story inappropriate for children? JK has already done that; hundreds of Fanfic authors have already done that. Why not have a bit of fun in the other direction?

None of this, of course, is to say that we should present only the happiness of Harry’s world. Clean fic is not necessarily happy, simplistic, or easy. All of Half-Blood Prince, for instance, could have been rewritten, portraying the same events, but in a way more accessible to the young – it would still be HBP, just from a different angle.

There is a place for serious fic here, for sad fic, and even for certain situations that aren’t to be avoided as canon stands. However, I don’t think there’s a place for so-called “adult” fic.

Why, after all, do we write and read fanfiction? Simply because we don’t want the story to be over – we don’t accept ‘that’s all she wrote,’ for an answer. As much as we understand that Sirius flew backwards through a veil and died, we still want to know more, to see more, to have another view.

And why have that view be one where he swears like a sailor, drowns his sorrows in fire whiskey, or commits a bloody and brutal murder of Peter Pettigrew?

Of all the angles available, the least chosen seems to be that of the first floor window we started from. And it simply isn’t fair to those of us (loosely termed ‘kids,’) who are still there, to have all the fic over our heads and beyond our reach. The stories, dangled just out of our reach, with teasing summaries or teasers, make us understandably upset.

Why couldn’t that author write the really cool story, (where Ron gets kidnapped by Death Eaters and has to escape on his own, without magic, but turns out he’s really Remus in Pollyjuice, while Harry believes he’s actually Draco because he misunderstood something he overheard in a dark corridor while he was hiding from Filch, and there’s a Basilisk who wears sunglasses so that it won’t petrify people, and Neville turns out to be a member of Arborists Anonymous… ) so that we could read it? Honestly!

Finally, the importance of being K is a question of numbers. It is better to have something that everybody can read, rather than something a few, however few they may be, cannot.





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[zymurgy]

Tuesday, April 25th, 2006

AUD

Dear Friends at Project Ferret,

I write to you from my bed in the Janus Thickey Ward in St. Mungo’s. They’ve taken me in for multiple personality and alternate universe disorder, and stuck me here next to Lockhart. Which is rather strange, since I remember being Lockhart a while back. So, if this column arrives late, blame the hospital staff that insists on monitoring my writing to look for symptoms.

I had never heard of alternate universe disorder (AUD), so I am going to warn you all to prevent you from contracting it. The disease itself isn’t all that bad, but the food here is, so please take care of yourselves and avoid getting stuck with it – if your sanity isn’t precious to you, perhaps the threat of an unending cycle of porridge and haggis will sway you.

Alternate Universe Disorder is frequently not diagnosed, as it closely mimics Pottermania coupled with FFF or Fan Fiction Fixation. It has several symptoms in common with these two disorders, including an obsession with all things Potter, frequent writing bouts, bouts of hysteric panic at being unable to write, lack of a personal life, and a disassociation from reality.

However, it can be found out by one key difference – those afflicted have a complete disregard for the actual happenings in the Potter books, despite their obsession with it. They have chaotic minds, skilled in DoubleThink. They are capable of simultaneously knowing that Sirius is dead and believing him to be alive, capable of acknowledging dozens of versions of characters in various ages, and even considering the possibility of Voldemort’s good heart.

Most forms of AUD are surprisingly benign, manifesting merely in strange flights of fancy and conversations incomprehensible to those not afflicted – a confusing state, to be sure, but harmless. However, it may turn malignant, in which case the patient becomes contagious, creating their own stories which in turn spread the contagion to others.

Be on your guard against AUD! Because, frankly, there’s only one bed left in this ward, and Snape wants it.

- Zymurgy

P.S. The Haggis really IS horrid. Try and smuggle in some pixie sticks and pez the next time you visit.