Our Weekly Winners and Complete Yule Duel Story! Options

[agrippa]

The winner of the first week's duel is:

Mysterious Happenings to Ponder by McGonnagal's Cat


The winner of round 2 is:

Happy Holidays? by Pinkpanther


The winner of round 3 is:

Gangs of Hogwarts by Pinkpanther


The winner of round 4 is:

Simple Solutions and Simple Minds by ronsmyman


The Grand Prize for overall favorite submission goes to Zymurgy, for Introducing Big Chief Mugamook


Congratulations to all 4 of our winning Yule Duel writers, and many thanks to all the writers in our first ever Official Project Ferret Duel!


This post has been edited by McGonagall's Cat: Jun 21 2006, 06:33 PM

[evlpez]

Chapter Three

Gangs of Hogwarts - pinkpanther

(This is not a parody of the movie "Gangs of New York" because I have never seen it. It is about gangsters infiltrating the world of Hogwarts--the title just had a nice ring to it. Also, no gangsters were harmed in the making of this parody...I think.)
INT. The trio are frozen with fear, trapped by a huge black dog on one side and certain discovery on the othe other. The dog moves closer, breathing heavily, hungrily. He inches toward Hermione, menacingly, as the drool drips from his mouth. She cowers, trembling in fear. Suddenly, a huge dollop of slobber drips from the dog's razor-sharp fangs and splats on Hermione's shiny, black shoe.

HERM. (waving her finger)
Uh-uh, you did NOT!
(The dogs backs away, whimpering. He gives them one sad look and bounds away as the door to Hagrid's hut opens and Hagrid and Trelawney come outside. Trelawney sees them, gasps, and runs away.)

HAGRID
Hey! What're yeh three doin' ou' 'ere? An' wha' was that dog doin'?

RON
Shut yo mouth, fool, 'fore I bust a cap all up in here!

HARRY
Foshizzle. (He and Ron hit their fists together)

HAGRID
Wha'? Now you tell me wha' tha' dog was doin' 'ere or I'll...I'll...tell Professor Dumbledore yer out when ye should be in tha castle!

HERM.
Chill, yo. That was just my homey g-dawg. It's all good.

HAGRID
Oh well, yeh'd best get up to the castle...unless, o' course, yeh were wantin' ta talk ta me.

RON
Naw, peace-out, man. (He beats his chest twice and makes the peace sign. They head toward the school.)

HARRY
Could be Lupin knows what's cookin'...let's make a stop on his turf.
(they all nod and quicken their pace. They enter the castle and are almost to Lupin's office, when Crookshanks, dressed in a baby bonnet and frilly pink slippers, comes tearing around the corner closely followed by Parvati and Lavender.)

PARVATI
AW...baby kitty, come back! You look so sweet!

HERM (angrily)
Whatcha doin' to my cat, ho?

LAVENDER(GASPS)
We were just making him pretty!

HERM
Uh-uh, ho, it's on!

PARVATI
Bring it.

HERM
Your mama can bring it. (Lavender, Parvati, and Hermione begin yelling insults, slapping, scratching, and otherwise injuring one another)

HARRY
Chick fight, yo!

RON
Word.
(Suddenly, Snape enters the hallway, carrying a bunch of wolfsbane.)

SNAPE
SILENCE! 100 points from Gryffindor!

HERM (mumbling so Snape can't hear)
Bite me, fool.

SNAPE
Unfortunately, I don't have the time to pry the details of this little spat out of your worthless brains due to...well...the early occurence... (He regains his composure) I trust you can either reach a decent compromise or you will all be dining on wormwood for the rest of the year! (He hurries down the hall to Lupin's office)

RON (pulling a very bedraggled Scabbers from his pocket)
You can take Scabbers, he needs a little fixin' up.

LAVENDER
Really?

RON
If you give me a little sumpin' sumpin' (he puckers up).

LAVENDER
I'd rather sniff Cruciatus Candy Crystals! (She and Parvati leave. Ron shrugs and he, Harry, and Hermione go to the door to Lupin's office. They pause for a moment and, hearing nothing, they enter. The sight is gruesome. The window is broken, leaving shards of glass all over the room. Snape is lying on the floor, unconcious, but still alive. Lupin is nowhere in sight)

HERM
I knew it!