The Birthday Bash, A Writing Race Against Time! Options

[zymurgy]

Ferrets, here is a challenge for you!

Harry and Neville's birthday is at the end of this month. (30th for Neville, 31st for Harry) Your challenge is to collectively write a complete story about their birthday, hopefully ON TIME!

The Rules:

The first ferret to post gets to choose WHOSE birthday this story will be about by writing the first paragraph.

This story is Wheezes - this is parody time! Dust off the funny!

Each ferret may write a paragraph at a time. They may write as many paragraps as the like, but there must be at least one by another ferret in between (unless you really really HAVE to post another. We can't all have perfect self-control afterall). Each paragraph takes the story from where the previous one left off.

The Goal:

To create a complete, funny, and coherent parody story about Neville or Harry by their birthday, or at latest August 3d.

The Incentive:

The Ferret who provides the closing paragraph (and it must be a proper ending, tieing up loose ends. "Rocks fall. Everybody dies," doesn't qualify) will have 100 Galleons donated to the Hogwarts Bathroom Fund in their name. If they manage to end it on the birthday, Plum and Plum's Perfect Wizarding Plumbing and Loos has agreed to up the donation to 1,000!

Let's get a marvelous story together, ferrets, AND get a little bit further towards that new bathroom!

[lupinsmyman]

Weee! First post! *scurries off to write* Neville!


~~~~

Birthdays are supposed to be fun, or at least enjoyable. For Neville Longbottom this wasn't the case. Not unless you counted being dropped out of a window as fun. But today was different. Neville could feel in in every hair on his head, in the warmth of his wand, and in the brilliance of the sun. Yes, today was going to be a good birthday. Hopefully.

[zymurgy]

"It's my birthday," he remarked to the patch of sminkgrass he was weeding. "Of course," he added, "you're already a hundred years old, so you're not impressed, but I suppose I'm roughly thirty in plant years... not that you can count, either way."

[McGonagall's Cat]

He'd seen his Gran conjure all the ingredients for a cake, though he hadn't actually seen her make one. He was fairly sure Uncle Algie was still in Botswanaland, and couldn't possibly come for dinner, which was a definete plus. It was sunny and pleasant, his smirgrass was flourishing, and he hoped he'd get the one thing he wanted more than anything!

[lupinsmyman]

His relatives ( he guessed that's who they were) began to arrive later in the morning each carrying packages of various sizes.. He never had the same relaives at his birthday more than twice. Except, of course, for Uncle Algie.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Family get-togethers had always been a bit odd, as he was generally the only person there under forty years old. He'd been told why, something about what had happened to his Mum and Dad and the whole generation being affected, but he never could quite remember the details. Probably the worst part was that he was always expected to be the "little gentleman" and to make his Gran proud. He was used to it now, but it certainly would be more fun to not have to wear a dinner jacket and tie - or dance with Grea-Great-Aunt Callidora.

[lupinsmyman]

He was more than half-way to adulthood now. He wasn't so much the chubby scaredy-cat anymore. He was the chubby scaredy-cat Gryffindor who knew a lot about plants.

"Come in for lunch, Neville Dear," his gran called from inside. He stood up and vanished the dragon dung fertilizer from his hands and walked inside.

(Note: I know its technically 2 paragraphs but they're short )

[McGonagall's Cat]

A magical banner saying, "Happy Birthday, Neville", floated above the diningroom table where the best china and the Goblin-made silverware glinted below it. He smiled and approached the gauntlet of hugging, cheek-pinching relatives, preparing for the typical awkward questions.

[lupinsmyman]

He tried to count the number of Vulture-hatted aunts (and some uncles) there were but found this to be impossible. He took his seat at the head of the table and let the noises roll over him.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Turkey was one of his favourite foods, and was the traditional dish for his birthday dinner. Being the person of honour, it was his duty to carve. Opening the velvet-lined case, he carefully withdrew the official carving knife and fork. The blade shone, the tines glistened, and the dragon bone handles felt massive and sturdy in his hands. Neville stood, pulled the roast bird toward himself and very ceremoniously stabbed the fork into the breast to hold it while he cut slices for everyone.

An earsplitting shreik split the air, followed instantly by the roasted bird jumping up and running off the platter.

[lupinsmyman]

Nearly everyone jumped in surprise. Except one man in the far corner of the dining room who was laughing quietly to himself. Neville's heart sank. Uncle Algie.

"Algert Longbottom! Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Gran had obviosly spotted him.

[McGonagall's Cat]

"I couldn't miss my favourite nephew's most important day now, could I?" he laughed.

Meanwhile, Neville's heart sank - and the bird rampaged through the food, splattering mashed potaotes in the face of an ancient wizard from Yorkshire who was related to Neville's mum, and tracking pureed turnips all over Gran's best tablecloth.

[lupinsmyman]

"Oh, that," Aligie continued, spotting Neville's worried glance," Its a simple charm, really. Invented it myslef. I can teach it to you, if you'd like. "

Neville shook his head quickly. He would rather join the Death Eaters than learn a spell invented by his great-uncle.

[McGonagall's Cat]

After a particularly stern glare from his sister, Algie pulled his wand and pointed it at the crazed turkey. With a mellodramatic swoon, the beast flopped into the gravy, splashing everyone at the table.

As a greasy drop fell from his chin, Neville said weakly, "Well, let's tuck in then."

[lupinsmyman]

As they began to eat, Neville barely noticed the noise of the multitude of relatives visiting and the noise of silverware clanking on the china. He answered each of the akward questions with a simple, "yes" or "no".
When all the food had been vanished and the plates taken away by loyal house elves, it was time for gifts.

[McGonagall's Cat]

The first package pushed toward him was tied with an ellegant lavender ribbon. That was Auntie Zaphira's signature. He forced a gracious smile and pretended to be excited, but he knew it would be a pair of new tousers. Every year she gave him school clothes. Gran loved it. He, on the other hand, would have liked a little say in the matter of what he wore out in public.

[lupinsmyman]

Neville could not hide his surprise. It was not a pair of trousers after all but a peice of paper. It looked like it had been torn out of a book long ago. The pictures on it were of ancient plants that he couldn't recognize.

"Thanks," he said giving his great-aunt a confused smile.

[McGonagall's Cat]

The second package was crudely wrapped in wrinkled paper, he knew it was from his relatives in the North Country. He usually liked the gifts they gave him. They were uncomplicated and their gifts tended to be educational.

[lupinsmyman]

And educational it was. Maybe. Inside a slightly crushed box was another peice of wrinkled parchment, similar to the one in his Aunt Zaphira's gift. Now Neville was really confused.

[McGonagall's Cat]

"You thank them Properly, young man!" his Gran reprimanded.

He hadn't intended to hesitate so long, it was just puzzling that the presents had such odd contents. He blushed.

"I'm sorry. Thank you so Auntie and Uncle."

[lupinsmyman]

Neville continued unwrapping his gifts, and thanking everyone graciously. He now had a stack of papers almost as high as his chin. The papers were beautiful. Each was unique and flowing with words that were, in some places, covered by inked leaves. Then he realized that he hadn't yet recieved a gift from his Gran.

[McGonagall's Cat]

He knew it would be rude to ask her if she had a gift for him, especially with people around, so he continued to look at the fascinating pages of flora. Some of the guests seemed to be getting antsy and he was a bit tired of being at the table when Gran's voice broke the silence.

[lupinsmyman]

"Neville, dear. I found this in the attic some years ago. Your mother and father were supposed to get it but, well, seeing as you're here--," she stopped pushing a package wrapped in a silky fabric into his arms.

[McGonagall's Cat]

He ran his hand over the surface of the package and felt a cushion-like invisible pressure. Once when he had been playing with the Muggle boy down the road, the boy had brought out several small brown lumps he called 'magnets'. When Neville had tried to push two of them together, they refused to touch eachother. That was the kind of energy was what he was feeling as he touched the wonderfully soft cloth on the package.

[lupinsmyman]

He smoothed the wrinkles on the silky substance, coming to a barely noticable line. As he ran his finger down it the cloth fell off, unwrapping itself. What it revealed was another substance. It was the strangest, yet most incredible peice of material he had even seen.

[McGonagall's Cat]

The entire structure of it consisted of thousands of leaves and stalks and stems, all woven together into a single continuous sheet. Any individual leaf could be picked up and looked at closely, but as soon as it was released it flew back into the place it had previously occupied. No two pieces of the intricate quilt were the same and they appeared to have come from all over the planet. Neville was fascinated.

[lupinsmyman]

Suddenly the papers in the stack of parchment next to him flew up and around his head. The plant-cloth began to glow a soft green when the papers soared into its folds. They ruffled in an invisible wind and the cloth closed around the pages. It was a book.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Touching it reverently, he gently withdrew a random waxy stem from the cover. Immediately, pages began to flutter until the book split itself open at the exact place where that stem was illustraed. A ghost of the piece he had in his hand grew up out of the information written on the parchment. When he touched it, reams of information filled his head. He could see it growing high on the side of a mountain in Chile, the breezes causing it to sway, the rain causing huge growth spurts, and tiny bees crawling over the clusters of flowers the plant produced.

[lupinsmyman]

He reached out, fingering the leaves. He could feel them, but it was a dream like feeling. He could tell he wasn't really touching the plant. But he was amazed all the same. One of the bees buzzed by his ear and he was back in his dining room again.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Drawing another plant-piece from the cover caused the book to flip itself open at a different page. This time water washed over the submerged fronds while fish darted in and out of the forest of kelp nearby. All of this plant's life cycle and the magical uses for its various parts swirled through his brain completely understandable and crystal clear.

Neville found himself grinning.

[lupinsmyman]

"It's," he paused looking for the right word, "incredible. Where did you find this?"

"The Book of Greenery has been passed down through our family for generations," Gran started, "But when your parents were being hunted I decided to scatter the pages, giving one to each of our closest family members, rather than having it be stolen and sold. This book, Neville, is worth more than you can ever imagine. Use it well."