The Birthday Bash, A Writing Race Against Time! Options

[zymurgy]

Ferrets, here is a challenge for you!

Harry and Neville's birthday is at the end of this month. (30th for Neville, 31st for Harry) Your challenge is to collectively write a complete story about their birthday, hopefully ON TIME!

The Rules:

The first ferret to post gets to choose WHOSE birthday this story will be about by writing the first paragraph.

This story is Wheezes - this is parody time! Dust off the funny!

Each ferret may write a paragraph at a time. They may write as many paragraps as the like, but there must be at least one by another ferret in between (unless you really really HAVE to post another. We can't all have perfect self-control afterall). Each paragraph takes the story from where the previous one left off.

The Goal:

To create a complete, funny, and coherent parody story about Neville or Harry by their birthday, or at latest August 3d.

The Incentive:

The Ferret who provides the closing paragraph (and it must be a proper ending, tieing up loose ends. "Rocks fall. Everybody dies," doesn't qualify) will have 100 Galleons donated to the Hogwarts Bathroom Fund in their name. If they manage to end it on the birthday, Plum and Plum's Perfect Wizarding Plumbing and Loos has agreed to up the donation to 1,000!

Let's get a marvelous story together, ferrets, AND get a little bit further towards that new bathroom!

[lupinsmyman]

Weee! First post! *scurries off to write* Neville!


~~~~

Birthdays are supposed to be fun, or at least enjoyable. For Neville Longbottom this wasn't the case. Not unless you counted being dropped out of a window as fun. But today was different. Neville could feel in in every hair on his head, in the warmth of his wand, and in the brilliance of the sun. Yes, today was going to be a good birthday. Hopefully.

[zymurgy]

"It's my birthday," he remarked to the patch of sminkgrass he was weeding. "Of course," he added, "you're already a hundred years old, so you're not impressed, but I suppose I'm roughly thirty in plant years... not that you can count, either way."

[McGonagall's Cat]

He'd seen his Gran conjure all the ingredients for a cake, though he hadn't actually seen her make one. He was fairly sure Uncle Algie was still in Botswanaland, and couldn't possibly come for dinner, which was a definete plus. It was sunny and pleasant, his smirgrass was flourishing, and he hoped he'd get the one thing he wanted more than anything!

[lupinsmyman]

His relatives ( he guessed that's who they were) began to arrive later in the morning each carrying packages of various sizes.. He never had the same relaives at his birthday more than twice. Except, of course, for Uncle Algie.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Family get-togethers had always been a bit odd, as he was generally the only person there under forty years old. He'd been told why, something about what had happened to his Mum and Dad and the whole generation being affected, but he never could quite remember the details. Probably the worst part was that he was always expected to be the "little gentleman" and to make his Gran proud. He was used to it now, but it certainly would be more fun to not have to wear a dinner jacket and tie - or dance with Grea-Great-Aunt Callidora.

[lupinsmyman]

He was more than half-way to adulthood now. He wasn't so much the chubby scaredy-cat anymore. He was the chubby scaredy-cat Gryffindor who knew a lot about plants.

"Come in for lunch, Neville Dear," his gran called from inside. He stood up and vanished the dragon dung fertilizer from his hands and walked inside.

(Note: I know its technically 2 paragraphs but they're short )

[McGonagall's Cat]

A magical banner saying, "Happy Birthday, Neville", floated above the diningroom table where the best china and the Goblin-made silverware glinted below it. He smiled and approached the gauntlet of hugging, cheek-pinching relatives, preparing for the typical awkward questions.

[lupinsmyman]

He tried to count the number of Vulture-hatted aunts (and some uncles) there were but found this to be impossible. He took his seat at the head of the table and let the noises roll over him.

[McGonagall's Cat]

Turkey was one of his favourite foods, and was the traditional dish for his birthday dinner. Being the person of honour, it was his duty to carve. Opening the velvet-lined case, he carefully withdrew the official carving knife and fork. The blade shone, the tines glistened, and the dragon bone handles felt massive and sturdy in his hands. Neville stood, pulled the roast bird toward himself and very ceremoniously stabbed the fork into the breast to hold it while he cut slices for everyone.

An earsplitting shreik split the air, followed instantly by the roasted bird jumping up and running off the platter.

[lupinsmyman]

Nearly everyone jumped in surprise. Except one man in the far corner of the dining room who was laughing quietly to himself. Neville's heart sank. Uncle Algie.

"Algert Longbottom! Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Gran had obviosly spotted him.

[McGonagall's Cat]

"I couldn't miss my favourite nephew's most important day now, could I?" he laughed.

Meanwhile, Neville's heart sank - and the bird rampaged through the food, splattering mashed potaotes in the face of an ancient wizard from Yorkshire who was related to Neville's mum, and tracking pureed turnips all over Gran's best tablecloth.

[lupinsmyman]

"Oh, that," Aligie continued, spotting Neville's worried glance," Its a simple charm, really. Invented it myslef. I can teach it to you, if you'd like. "

Neville shook his head quickly. He would rather join the Death Eaters than learn a spell invented by his great-uncle.

[McGonagall's Cat]

After a particularly stern glare from his sister, Algie pulled his wand and pointed it at the crazed turkey. With a mellodramatic swoon, the beast flopped into the gravy, splashing everyone at the table.

As a greasy drop fell from his chin, Neville said weakly, "Well, let's tuck in then."

[lupinsmyman]

As they began to eat, Neville barely noticed the noise of the multitude of relatives visiting and the noise of silverware clanking on the china. He answered each of the akward questions with a simple, "yes" or "no".
When all the food had been vanished and the plates taken away by loyal house elves, it was time for gifts.